Movies that I want to see: Master of the Flying Guillotine

The storyline is fairly routine as these films go but this Taiwanese production rises above the vast majority of its contemporaries, thanks to first rate choreography by Lau Kar-leung and Lau Kar-wing (who also appears as a tournament contestant utilizing the three section staff) and a number of unusual, enjoyable touches. In addition to the thrills offered by The Blood Dripper (which may have some basis in historical fact and is manipulated here in a much smoother and more lethal looking manner than in the previous year's picture), the Indian fighter can extend his arms about a yard out in front of him (like The Fantastic Four’s Reed Richards!) and Fung Sheng can spin his head around 360 degrees, a la Linda Blair in THE EXORCIST. There are also a number of clever touches presented within the fights. The Thai killer does not wear shoes, so The Boxer lures him into a shack with a metal floor. The other Ming loyalists build a fire around the place and prevent the Thai from escaping the building, forcing him to try and fight while his feet are getting scorched. The Boxer's final battle against Fung Sheng unfolds in a coffin maker's shop that Wang's character has fitted with some ingenious booby traps (spring loaded hatchets fly out of coffins the Manchu assassin's weapon accidentally causes to open). While kung fu films from this period often "borrowed" music from Hollywood or European features (with Spaghetti Westerns a popular source) MASTER is unique in that it is scored largely with early German electronica. The main title is from NEU! 2, while the cue heard whenever Fung Sheng makes his appearance is actually another track from the same album called Super 16. There are also cues from Tangerine Dream and Kraftwerk albums that I am unable to identify but there is certainly no mistaking them for anything else. This offbeat accompaniment perfectly suits the action and adds considerably to the entertainment value of this much beloved, highly repeatable movie.

More in link.

Next time I'm drunk, I think that I shall resist the urge to blog

Tell me about your Christmas loot

Why Blankets speaks to me
Raina: Why do you love me, Craig?
Craig: 'Cuz I do.
Raina:Well, I love you too. But. But--what's that supposed to mean? Where will it lead us?
Craig: Does it matter?
Raine: YES! It matters. It's not just the moment. In a few days you're leaving--I mean, I barely know you.
Craig: So that's...I mean... That's EXCITING. WE've so much to discover.
Raina: I guess what I'm trying to say is that everything ENDS. No, "end" is too graceful a word--everything DEGENERATES--CRUMBLES--So why bother getting started in the first place?
Craig: ... I don't know.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Find Those Weapons:the Hunt for the Real WMD

HOW THE HUNT WORKS

1. You order the treasure hunt
2. You get a CD, a clue book, a matrix, and a map of iraq in the mail
3. You begin solving all the clues using the matrix, map, and CD
4. It will lead you to a place where you can get a certain item
5. That item will be exchanged for the real $5000 golden trophy, a bag of cash, and a barrel of oil. (If you don’t want the barrel of oil, we will send it to George Bush

More in link.

We're watching Bad Santa on Tuesday
Anyone that wants to go is welcome. Mike's gonna be there as well as I and possibly the Canadian and Chinese members of Team China.

Saddam held by Kurds, drugged and left for US troops: report

Saddam Hussein was captured by US troops only after he had been taken prisoner by Kurdish forces, drugged and abandoned ready for American soldiers to recover him, a British tabloid newspaper has reported.

Saddam came into the hands of the Kurdish Patriotic Front after being betrayed to the group by a member of the al-Jabour tribe, whose daughter had been raped by Saddam's son Uday, leading to a blood feud, reported the Sunday Express, which quoted an unnamed senior British military intelligence officer.

The newspaper said the full story of events leading up to the ousted Iraqi president's capture on December 13 near his hometown of Tikrit in northern Iraq, "exposes the version peddled by American spin doctors as incomplete".

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Hello! My name is Lambuel and I hope that we can be friends. I would like to share with you my love for Jesus. Did you know that Jesus loves each and every one of us? It's true! In the Bible, He says: "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life"... Isn't that COOL?!

My OBJECTIVE is JUST 4 KIDZ! The "z" is for "zealousness," 'cause Jesus wants us to be hot for Him, not lukewarm. I read in the Bible that He said: "As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten: be zealous therefore, and repent"... Let's do that!

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Are there ghostly goings-on at Henry VIII's palace, or is that hazy image of a fellow in fancy robes just a bit of Christmas cheer?
Closed-circuit security cameras at Hampton Court Palace, the huge Tudor pile outside London, seem to have snagged an ethereal visitor. Could it be a ghost?

"We're baffled too. It's not a joke. We haven't manufactured it," Vikki Wood, a Hampton Court spokeswoman said when asked if the photo the palace released was a Christmas hoax. "We genuinely don't know who it is or what it is."

Wood said security guards had seen the figure in closed-circuit television footage after checking it to see who kept leaving open one of the palace's fire doors.

In the still photograph, the figure of a man in a robe-like garment is shown stepping from the shadowy doorway, one arm reaching out for the door handle.

More in link. Thanks to Mike for sending this my way.

The Animated Batman: an Unofficial site
If you're like me, you probably have mad love for the Batman animated series from the early nineties (yeah, I know, it's hard to believe that the show is now over ten years old). Like Smallpox, the love for Batman the Animated Series is incredibly infectiously, and thankfully some people deem it worthy of study. Jay Allman, the host of the site has jam packed it with critical essays on the show. Whether it deals with re-occuring themes or how it fits into the large wasteland of pop culture, it's well worth reading.

Tell Rob what you thought of the Lord of the Rings: the Return of the King

Fluevog shoes: the only Satan resistant shoe on the market

Chow down: come on in, The water's fine and Style's no sin. "Fluevog" - some just can't pronounce it; Others, hooked, could not renounce it. Misspell it any way you would: "Fluvog" or Flueflog"*, it's all good. For quality, they can't be beat - and scorn their style? Well, they're your feet. In Vog we trust, all others scram, We are the cure for Fashion Spam, Designer footwear nonpareil, Champion of independent style, And even Open Source Footwear - John's influence is everywhere. Your Fluevogs cast Angelic love (on Earth, dude, as it is Above). Wear boring shoes? No 'Voggin' way! So, Don't Delay - Fluevog Today

More in link. Thanks to my brother Christopher, who also keeps track of the weird.

Manifest Destiny

Manifest Destiny -- a phrase used by leaders and politicians in the 1840s to explain continental expansion by the United States -- revitalized a sense of "mission" or national destiny for Americans.

The people of the United States felt it was their mission to extend the "boundaries of freedom" to others by imparting their idealism and belief in democratic institutions to those who were capable of self-government. It excluded those people who were perceived as being incapable of self-government, such as Native American people and those of non-European origin.

But there were other forces and political agendas at work as well. As the population of the original 13 Colonies grew and the U.S. economy developed, the desire and attempts to expand into new land increased. For many colonists, land represented potential income, wealth, self-sufficiency and freedom. Expansion into the western frontiers offered opportunities for self-advancement.

To understand Manifest Destiny, it's important to understand the United States' need and desire to expand. The following points illustrate some of the economic, social and political pressures promoting U.S. expansion

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Happy Birthday Stephen

First they came for the vibrators...

A Texas housewife is in big trouble with the law for selling a vibrator to a pair of undercover cops, and the Brisbane vibrator company she works for says Texas is an "antiquated place'' with more than its share of "prudes.''

Joanne Webb, a former fifth-grade teacher and mother of three, was in a county court in Cleburne, Texas, on Monday to answer obscenity charges for selling the vibrator to undercover narcotics officers posing as a dysfunctional married couple in search of a sex aid.

Webb, a saleswoman for Passion Parties of Brisbane, faces a year in jail and a $4,000 fine if convicted.

"What I did was not obscene,'' Webb said. ""What's obscene is that the government is taking action about what we do in our bedrooms.''

More in link.
Thanks to David for the link.

The end of the world is upon us: Fight Club: the video game

Ladies and gentlmen, Wesley Clark, democratic presidential candidate.

Movies that I want to see: Santa Claus

Everyone knows Santa Claus is a holiday hero, but who knew he could hold his own against the forces of Hell itself? A cinematic testament to Santa's innate goodness (and oft-overlooked toughness), the Mexican film Santa Claus pits "the best friend of boys and girls everywhere" against a devil described as one of the Dark Prince's cleverest disciples

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Check out the Spiderman 2 trailer that *doesn't* suck

Prosecute George W. Bush
for War Crimes

We, the undersigned, believe George W. Bush should be prosecuted for the following war crimes:

1. George W. Bush ordered a War of Aggression against Iraq. This constitutes a Crime Against Peace - for which Nazi leaders were prosecuted at the Nuremberg Trials - and violates the UN Charter.

-Iraq never attacked the US or threatened an attack, so the US is not acting legally in self-defense, which is permitted under the UN Charter.
-Iraq played no role in the September 11, 2001 attack on the US and never provided material support to any terrorist group that attacked the US, so even the non-legal Bush doctrine of pre-emptive attack does not apply.
-At the time of the US attack, Iraq was nearing full compliance with UN Resolution 1441 and prior resolutions requiring disarmament, and the majority of the Security Council believed UN inspectors should be given more time, so the US is not enforcing UN resolutions, as it claims.
-George W. Bush ordered the invasion of Iraq in order to bring about a regime change, which was never authorized by a UN resolution, and violates the UN Charter.

More in link.

The Funniest article that I've read all day: Vice's Touching People: Our Top 10 Outsiders Videos

What I Really Want
This is the winner. It was parodied in the Mr. Show movie Run Ronnie Run and Beck couldn’t resist putting it in a recent video. This way-too-short informative clip (you want it to go on for days) features a typical Marin County self-help group talking about actualizing your dreams. The story goes that, halfway into filming, the leader of this bizarre yuppie cult decided “everything has to be destroyed – RIGHT NOW!” The filmmakers managed to salvage this 15 minutes before the rest was lost forever.
HIGHLIGHT: A man rests on his knees and, after being encouraged to say what he feels no matter how much it hurts, bursts into sobs and screams, “I want to touch people. I want people to TOUCH ME!!!!”

More in link.
My chest hurts from laughing too much.

If you build it, they will come
This is how people have stumbled upon my page this week.

-Frithjof Schwesig and porn film
-artbomb artblog
-viewtiful joe review blog
-Bladder Vee-String Female Vagina Prosthesis
- vee-string
- vee string vagina
- japanese site:blogspot.com
- Soccer Poster Vagina
- japanese goldar

I want to know who's looking up "soccer poster vagina". My tiny brain doesn't understand.

Weapons Inspector Haunts Bush in British Satire

It is polling day in the United States and George W. Bush has gathered together his friends and family at the White House to celebrate his imminent re-election.

But the party is gate-crashed by a sinister U.N. weapons inspector, just back from 18 fruitless months wandering Iraq in search of weapons of mass destruction (WMDs).

He has a devastating report to deliver to the U.S. Congress and a few tough questions to ask Bush and his friends.

That, in short, is the plot of a new play by director Justin Butcher, whose first political farce, "The Madness of George Dubya," took London's theaterland by storm a year ago when it was staged during the build-up to the Iraq war.

"A Weapons Inspector Calls" is a similar offering -- "slapstick, vulgar, brash entertainment," according to Butcher.

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Fallen Angels. Cinematography by Christopher Doyle. Directed by Wong Kar Wai.

For your enjoyment: the Hook's guide to male prostitution

So, what do you all think of the new blog look?
I'm trying for the "Game of Death" colours from Bruce Lee's track suit, but I can't manage to get a black line to divide my tables on the left and the content on the right to appear. Anyone with mad HTML skillz want to give me a hand?

Saddam Hussein, the deposed Iraqi leader, was captured in a raid on a farm house near Tikrit on Saturday night, American military officials confirmed Sunday.

The officials said they had used DNA tests to confirm his identity.

"We got him," American administrator L. Paul Bremer III said at a news conference here.

Coalition troops discovered Hussein hiding in a hole below the farm house, located in the town of Adwar, 10 miles from Tikrit.

Military officials said that Hussein had put up no resistance and that not one shot had been fired in the operation.

More in link.

Mad props to my buddy Stephen
Thanks for indulging me on the last minute. My horrible butchering of the language non-withstanding, she was impressed by the fact that I knew a little Cantonese.

I have a case of the virulant flu
For the last three days I've woken up to sore joints, a sore throat and a killer headache. I don't seem to be getting any better. In other news, the USA is out of flu vaccine.

If you're interested, I found a website for the Kill Bill Annotations

The poster on the left is the poster for Kini Fukasuku's Battles Without Honor or Humanity. The one on the right is a poster for Hishakaku: Honor Among Wolves. You can see more yakuza-eiga posters here.

Whistle with me, my friends.

Meme watch: Killographic

A public interest group had a holiday warning and a new word on Monday for parents of video game users: Beware of "killographic," defined as the "graphic depiction of brutal violence."

The National Institute on Media and the Family, an independent, nonprofit group, said "killographic" scenes are featured in a number of video games within reach of children.

Issuing its eighth annual MediaWise Video Game Report Card, the institute listed games parents should avoid for their children, led by "Manhunt."

"If pornographic is the 'graphic depiction of sex,' then killographic should enter our vocabulary to describe the 'graphic depiction of brutal violence,"' David Walsh, the institute's president, told a Capitol Hill news conference.

"Clever phrase," Doug Lowenstein, head of the Entertainment Software Association, which represents computer and video game software publishers, replied when asked about "killographic."

More in link. I expect to see this on your group in the near future, Stephen.

Detention at the Dumpster: a Saved by the Bell/ Power Rangers fanfic by Duke Brown

"AHHH! After ten thousand years, I am free!" cried a shrill voice. It belonged to a strange-looking Asian lady with white hair. She climbed out of the dumpster, followed by an assortment of monsters. A winged humanoid with canine and simian features led the monsters, followed by a fat goofy blue one, a skinny six-armed furry one, a younger Asian female in gold armor, an elfish creature, and some clayish creatures.

Slater looked at the new arrivals. "Harmless, huh?"

The white-haired lady spoke. "I am Rita Repulsa, Empress of Evil!" She pointed ho her companions. "And these are my minions: The MonkeyDog guy with wings is Goldar! The golden woman is Scorpina! That fat one is Squatt! The skinny one is Baboo! And the elf is Finster! And those drones are my Putties! Now that I have introduced ourselves, it is time to conquer Earth!"

"Now just a minute Miss Repulsa!" The all-too-purebread Belding shouted. "You just cannot come in and take over the Earth!"

"Watch me, Balding!" Rita snickered as she and her goons disappeared.

More in link. Props to my buddy Stephen for finding this. Solid gold!

How I have made a difference in the world
Thanks to me, everyone I know know whistles the "Twisted Nerve". All the fucking time.

The Flaming Lips: Do You Realize
Last year, dealing with a bag full of shit concerning failing relationships and a life that I wasn’t happy with, I went for an incredibly long drive to find some joy.. It was fall and the leaves were spray painted with the colours of the sunset and the van made them trail behind me like coat tails. It was Thanksgiving weekend, but I had nothing to be thankful for that day. Since I was far beyond what I would call home, I combed the radio waves like a veterinarian might a dog. It was a Saturday afternoon, so I decided that my best bet would be cbc’s program, Definitely Not the Opera. My ears only were half listening to Sook Yin Lee talking about what she was thankful for, but they stood at full attention when she played “Do You Realize” by the Flaming Lips. At that moment, driving down a dead-end street in slow motion, I finally understood the song, and all that it meant. I read later on that the song was a simple way about telling about the deeper truths in life. It’s true. ”Do you realize that life goes fast/it’s hard to make the good things last”
It's so true, and I think that many people take it for granted.

Microsoft has entered the world of blogging with the Spoke
Thanks for Chad for finding this out.

Bladder Vee-String Female Vagina Prosthesis

The Bladder Vee-String Female Vagina Prosthesis™ is designed to fulfill the feminine illusion. Your penis is placed into a hole in the bladder, which holds you in place. The bladder does not hold liquid, but allows for an even flow. This allows urination in a sitting position as a female without removal or adjustment. The Bladder Vee-String Female Vagina Prosthesis™ is made of pure liquid latex rubber which is hand brushed into a mold with up to twelve coats for each of the custom made products. There are three to four different colors of tinted latex in each product. The hair is sewn on by hand and adhered to the back with liquid latex. This product is $164.95 plus shipping and handling

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How people are finding me
I've been checking my stat report for the last couple of days from Blogpatrol and that people have found my website using the following searches:

chichiren
fog n suds mission
macleans trailer park boys03/12/2003 04:27:37 gaming perverts (Yahoo)
Japanese crime fighting perverts (that was me!)
Macleans Trailer Park Boys
jetstream blog-spot

Vicar gives out porn films

A German vicar inadvertently supplied his parish with dozens of hard core porn films in an unsuccessful bid to teach people about the life of Christ.

Frithjof Schwesig, vicar in the southwestern town of Lampoldshausen, had ordered 300 copies of a video film portraying the life of Christ as told by the gospel according to Luke.

"In a first batch 20 to 30 videos were distributed and we immediately got a reaction from five to seven people saying we must have given them the wrong film," he said.

"It was a real porn film. Within an hour our staff had collected all the videos. Really, all were withdrawn."

More in link.

mouthbees make me teeth sweat orange

Beer and Nachos at Fog ‘N’ Suds this Saturday night at 9:00
I’ll be there with Team China and I’ll my hardest to get Norman to come. Everyone that can make it is invited. I know a couple of you may be working, so drop me a line so I know when/if to expect you.

Plugging for my friends: Gamers Against Censorship Group
My buddy Stephen has set up a discussion group to discus video game censorship. In his own words

This is a group made by gamers and for the gamers. We are here to show and educate the world about the myths and problems of games that organizations and other groups want to censor.

If anti-video game groups are united, then so are we. We shall criticize their fallacies and yet work with them on their positive points. It's about time we should be together as one voice and not just some simple blurb on the 9-o-clock TV News.

If you're a gamer and want to be an activist, check out the site and sign up.

Grammarporn has been updated and it has a *lot* of content today

Schwarzenegger says he has no backup plan if bond deal fails

Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger doesn't have a backup plan if the Legislature or voters reject his propsal to sell $15 billion worth of bonds to pay off the state's existing deficit.

"Failure is no option. It just doesn't exist," the Republican governor said Monday. Without a backup, he said, "That means it has to happen."

More in link.
Holy fuck. No backup plan? I'm glad I'm not a Californian.

Brian Michael Bendis on Family Matters: my dream
My my dream, Brain Michael Bendis (the writer of Alias and Powers, for you non-comic geeks) had been a stff writer on the sitcom Family Matters. He revealed that before the show was canceled that he had single handledly wrote the plots for most of the defunct season. He alluded that during the now final season that many of the plot twists had been foreshadowed. This is a list of what he had constructed for the "missing season"
-Steve would lose his virginity to a mystery woman and become a sex addict.
-Carl would be responsible for a lynching while on an undercover investigation
-Steve discovers a magical bus stop. Who ever controls this bus stop can control the flow of mass transit in New York. A gang war breaks out for the control of the bus stop.
-Steve develops another alter-ego, this one a homeless white man to be played by Michael Jackson.

Segways enlisted as battle robots

It’s called the Segway Human Transporter, but the Pentagon is drafting the two-wheeled scooter as part of a plan to develop battlefield robots that think on their own and communicate with troops.
THE PROGRAM is still in the research phase, so the self-balancing scooters aren’t expected to report to boot camp anytime soon.
So far, university researchers armed with Pentagon funding have programmed Segway robots that can open doors, avoid obstacles, and chase soccer balls — all without human control.
Researchers say potential applications for the robots include performing search missions on the battlefield, transporting injured soldiers to safety, or following humans around while hauling their gear.
Dean Kamen, the Segway’s inventor, told The Associated Press he had no qualms about enlisting his brainchild into the military.
“You build a car and it can either be used as an ambulance, or it can drive your troops around,” he said. “My personal reason for liking (this program) is we would love to get more Segways at universities. The more we have our technology among the tech world, particularly the young geeks, it could only help us.”

More in link.

Time wasted: the Dancing Bush

New Grant Morrison interview is up

THE PULSE: You said you view some of the world's greatest religions like sci-fi. Howso? Or is it just some religions that are like sci-fi?


MORRISON: Imagine a new technology which allowed ideas to be somehow grasped from the air, transformed into symbols and recorded on stone or papyrus. When gazed upon by an educated person, these images would then transform themselves magically into consistent sounds in the head.

We're so familiar with written language that we sometimes forget how outlandish a concept it must have seemed to our ancestors. Writing allowed people to copy and transfer their thoughts and their tribal codes of conduct to others, even unto generations they themselves would not live to personally instruct, affect or control. The words themselves must have seemed alive and immortal and as "holy" as ghosts. Written law was thus a way of mastering time and influencing the future, a weapon greater than fire and steel, I hope you'll agree. When read, the written word made the head buzz and ring and fill up with voices and commands from nowhere, as if God Himself had come thundering down through the symbols, off the page and into the room, fertilising and impregnating the mind with his Ghostly, unmistakable presence.

So God(ie Yahweh, Jehovah, Allah) always watching us, always judging, is, I believe, a living concept which emerged along with the early development of alphabets, to prey on developing human minds. IN return for providing a lush spawning ground, the "God" meme rewards the human mind with simple satisfying but ultimately incomplete explanations regarding its place in a complex and frightening universe. What the three "Religions of the Book" call "God," I call a virulent and hard-to-kill memetic structure finding its perfect technological carrier medium at a critical time in the history of humanity.

The wholly masculine "God" of the great monoreligions is a personification of written law and its strange effect on our brains. "He" is the cop in the head who constantly checks our behavior to ensure that we don't step too far beyond the limits our culture has established and expected us to internalise. "He" demands obedience and the performance of irrational rituals in "His" name. We've got so used to that hectoring critical voice in our heads and have so many new explanations for it that most of us don't call it "God" anymore and churches are emptying.

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Interesting. Looks like the savior of traditional feature length animation may be Pixar

artblog
When my friends Stephen and Mike didn't have lives, they'd occationally work on Moon Karma Zero a collaborative blog that was supposed to be like Grammarporn. Much like Grammarporn at the moment, it's not often updated, but when it is, it's usally good stuff.

One of my favorite things that they did was list their favourite artists of the day. Be it musician or comic artist, they'd all get a shake of our bandwidth. It's been far too long since they've done it.

For those of you, like me, that enjoys comic creation, I suggest that you check out Artbomb's artblog. Just think of artblog as a succulent pig whose orifaces have been filled with new and exciting comic art and ideas. Check it out and get your fix.

A 6 page preview of Blankets, for those who haven't had the pleasure
I've lived those moments, illustrated there. I can't wait to pick this up.

Conversations with Christopher: Frankenstein's monster
Rpb: Frankenstein's monster: Is he a zombie, or a robot?

Christopher: I dunno. That's a good question though

Rob: It is.

Christopher: cause he's really kinda both. Or maybe more like a cyborg?

Rob: Except that he doesn't eat brains.

Christopher: Cause we all know that all zombies eat brains

Rob:Wouldn't it be awesome if he ate the brains of his bride?

Christopher: For real

Rob: And yet, he doesn't have the urge to "exterminate" like a robot.

Christopher: this is also true

Rob: In the end, it remains an enigma for all time.

Christopher: I'm not quite sure if you can ever truly determine the answer to that question, cause maybe there isn't an answer? Or maybe we're just being overly stupid

Rob: I'd say the former.

This is why Metal Gear Solid 3 is gonna be great.

Kill Bill. My house. This weekend.

This is the ultimate KISS collectible, " said Simmons. "I love livin’, but this makes the alternative look pretty damn good." Simmons appeared on The Howard Stern Radio Show this morning to pitch the product, saying, "Most caskets go for $3,000 but ours will sell for $4,500," prompting Stern to chastise him for not giving fans a deal even in death.

Gamegirl Advance on Why Rez is one of the best games of all time

Excited, we inserted our very first Japanese game into our brand new console. We hooked up the trance vibrator, and I began to play the game. The game is, truly, a stunningly beautiful thing. It is a "music shooting" game, but of such elegance and coolness it's in a genre all its own. The premise places you as a futuristic hacker, avoiding security systems and navigating through databases to crack codes in a way strongly reminiscent of Tron. Your mission: information needs to be free. "Flying down neon corridors shooting space/machine beings in time to techno music", as Justin put it, is a pretty good description, as is "Tron on Ecstasy." The game bills itself as synesthesia - union of senses. But even that doesn't begin to relay the feeling of the game. Even without the trance vibrator, the game puts you into a trance state - it's a raver's game, a game of pure sensation. The goals are simply to progress to the next level - not so complicated. But getting there is a sublime visual and aural experience. There's also an invincible "travelling" mode, if you want to just sit back and move through the levels without worrying about your avatar's taking damage.

But god damn, the trance vibrator started thumping like crazy in time with the music.

Well, what would you have done? I moved the vibrator into my lap.

More in link.

"After that night, I never saw Guitar Wolf again. Courage and rock 'n' roll: that's what he taught me that night."

The Smoking Gun on the Real World's Rape Scandle

TSG has done many dopey stories about reality television and the misfits who populate those programs, but the below search warrant application provides the most disturbing glimpse yet into the dysfunctional TV form. San Diego cops got the warrant last Tuesday after a woman told of being raped in the home where MTV's "Real World" is currently being filmed. According to the 22-year-old victim, she was at a nightclub when she met the rape suspect, who is identified only as "Justin" in the warrant application (the man is reportedly an acquaintance of a male cast member named Randy). The woman said that Justin offered her a beverage, but after finishing the drink, "she blacked out and woke up the following morning...in the guest bedroom on the set of MTV's Real World." When she awoke, the woman was disoriented, had trouble talking, and realized that "someone had had sex with her while she was unconscious." She also noted that an MTV camera crew was filming her at the time she awoke.

More in link.

My Best Friend's Birthday, the first Quentin Tarintino movie is now on sale for all of you cinephiles out there.

Orgy hotels to reopen in China

Two hotels involved in a mid-September "orgy" involving nearly 300 Japanese travelers and about 200 Chinese prostitutes in southern China are preparing to reopen after a forced closure, news reports and hotel personnel indicated Tuesday

More in link.

Ways to kill time during the democratic debates
I offer you two solutions. The first one is Democratic Debate Bingo. A brilliant use of resouces by the the Republican National Comitee.

Second up is the the Democratic Debate drinking game, for those who feel that a debate is best seen through beergoggles.

I'm the new Vice-President for the Fort St. John Film Society.
And for those who still live here in town, I can promise you that we'll be screening a bunch of great movies in the new year. Can you say Lost in Translation? I can, baby!

This is why I love guerrilla protesting.

Time to listen to James Kolchaka's "Show Respect to Michael Jackson"

The Hellboy trailer is up

Mark Hammil's stage play comes to an end

-- "Six Dance Lessons in Six Weeks," a comedy starring Polly Bergen and Mark Hamill, closed Sunday on Broadway after a run of only 30 performances.

Richard Alfieri's play about a retired Florida school teacher and her dance instructor received mostly negative reviews when it opened Oct. 29 at the Belasco Theatre. The Associated Press called the play "innocuous" and said it recalled "wan Broadway comedies of years gone by, shows that inexplicably got to New York and then disappeared quickly." Variety described the show as "a desiccated piece of Florida dinner-theater driftwood."

"Six Dance Lessons" has done meager business since opening, last week grossing only $78,728.99, and filling only 30 percent of the seats at the Belasco

More in link.

The Palestinians are making 9/11 memorial toys

Stonechild hearing resumes, key question unanswered

After a month break, the judicial inquiry into the mysterious death of a 17-year-old Aborginal teen found frozen to death in a field north of Saskatoon in 1990 is resuming this week.

Saskatoon police have been accused of leaving Neil Stonechild to die in sub-zero temperatures 13 years ago, but the inquiry has yet to answer the most important question around the teen's death: How did he end up in a field north of Saskatchewan?

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Monday's pile of addictive webjunk
My friend Stephen found a website called group hug. group hug is an annonymous site where you can confess your dirtiest sins in with complete anominity. By the same token, the site showcases everyone else's sins for your enjoyment.

On the same theme is one of my favorite websites, lowbrow. Like grouphug, lowbrow is a site made of of annonymous essays about people at their lowest moments. Alternately funny as hell and pathetic.

Lastly, Michael Jackson has unveiled a new website dedicated to his innocence. The website is a must who want the unvarnished truth about the allegations, straight from Jackson's mouth.

I need your help
Anyone know of a website that allows you to track your DVD, music, book and videogame collection?

The Gardien's 40 best directors of all time
Oddly enough, the directors are classified in RPG terms of Substance, Look, Craft, Originality and Intelligence. Time to roll a d20.

On another note, DNTO's reviewer called Cat in the Hat Lyncian nightmare. I had no interest in the film until it was described as such.

RoBlog is #1 when it comes to Japanese Crime Fighting Perverts

Rob's Matrix Revolutions drinking game
I made this up while watching Matrix Revolutions when I hung out with Team China last night. Recommended drink for the film? I suggest a Heineken as it's the Official Beer of the Matrix. Be aware, there be spoilers below.

Each time Neo asks a question, take a drink.
Each time a pointless new character is introduced, take a drink.
Take a drink each time someone says "goddammit!". Take two if it's Roland, the captain of the Hammer.
Take a drink when the Kid looks around wide eyed and confused.
Drink the bottle if you hear someone laugh when Trinity dies.
If a character provides a monologue longer than a minute, drink until it's over.
Drink when someone doubts that Neo can save the day.
Take a drink when someone states their belief in Neo.
Drink the bottle if you see Larry Wachoski's post op cameo.
Take two drinks for each Dragon Ball Z hyper explosion.

Macleans just did a cover feature on the cult Canadian television show, Trailer Park Boys.

I just found out that Pearl's getting married
What a shock. I feel old.

Chinese Swords

These handsome weapons are full of tradition. Imported from Hebei, China each weapon is crafted from traditional materials and hand made with local pride. Hebei province is not only the center of Northern Chinese Martial Arts, but also its main steel producer. Made by renowned sword makers, the straight and broadswords are flexible from 90 to 180 degree bends. They make a perfect addition to anyone wishing to use them for demonstrations, practice or display. The material is made of quality "Wushu Steel" and highly favored by Wushu practitioners around the world. Not sharpened.

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New meme: Japanese crime fighting perverts.

Lets give it up for Warren Ellis and Matt Fraction for finding the page. Props to David for naming it.

Jones introduces new flavour

In time for the Thanksgiving holiday, Jones Soda will launch a limited production of the sugar-free and no carbohydrate Turkey & Gravy flavored beverage in the Washington and Michigan markets.

“We are really excited about the limited test launch of our new flavored Turkey & Gravy beverage. This seasonal flavor allows us to enter a new market segment, the meal replacement market. The new flavor will also appeal to new consumers, those who prefers a savory type flavor to the traditional soda flavors,” says Peter van Stolk, President & C.E.O. “With consumers becoming more and more health conscious, Jones Soda's Turkey & Gravy flavored beverage is a zero calorie and zero carbohydrate beverage that can be served warm or cold with a full flavor that will meet and will exceed our customer's expectation.”

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Okay....

Police raid Jackson's Neverland Ranch

Police armed with a search warrant swooped down on Michael Jackson's Neverland ranch in California early Tuesday, scouring the amusement park estate for evidence in what authorities called an "ongoing criminal investigation."

Authorities refused to say what they were searching for or to describe the nature of the investigation. However, a lawyer who represents the pop star's family, but not Jackson specifically, said the probe stemmed from accusations of child molestation.

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Interesting time too. The day they raided Jackon's place was the day that his new single deputed. Double whammy!

So you want to see the Clone Wars animated series?
You do? Okay then.
Here's the first episode,
the second,
the third,
the fourth
the fifth,
the sixth,
and the seventh.

RoBlog is one year old today
Yep, that's right, one year ago, in a fever dream, I created this horrible waste of bandwidth. As a result, Rob would like to know how this blog changed your life. Did it destroy your marriage? Transform you into a god like being? These are things that I *need* to know.

You know you love me.

insert coin's review of Viewtiful Joe as an example of post modernist gaming

Viewtiful Joe’s seemingly saccharine and superficial storytelling belie a poignant parody that shares in the subtle subversion of the Simpsons. While the delivery suffers from some unintelligibility (Hulk Davidson) and is not as delivered as the Simpsons, the humorous and witty social commentary is out there. Particularly praiseworthy is the parallel between “The Producer”, and George Lucas, which becomes explicit in the final level. Here it is revealed that the producer is a man who 20 years ago was hailed as the most revolutionary producer ever. A revolutionary who over the course of 20 years became a forgotten and fat man. A fat man who was sucked into his own movie world only to fall to the dark side and become a villain. A villian who commands “DIE- Fighters” on a Space Station with enough power to destroy a planet. Once one realizes that Captain Blue is a caricature of George Lucas, the humor really shines through. As scripted in the opening cinema, Joe is the diehard fan of a movie that, as he explains to his twenty something girlfriend, came out when they were just kids. Sound like anyone you know? Having lost his touch, Captain Blue then passed the torch to Joe, and in this manner plays the role of both Obi and Ani. A fantasy that has crossed the mind of nearly every Starwars fan who has seen the prequels. But I don’t think George Lucas has a bisexual blonde daughter. The allegory has to end somewhere…

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This one's for you, Stephen.

"There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys, and whose emission was like that of horses" - Ezekiel 23:20

US fails to de-classify UFO intelligence

George W. Bush raised a few eyebrows during the 2000 presidential campaign when he responded to a question about releasing government files on unidentified flying objects. "It'll be the first thing he (Dick Cheney) will do," Bush said. "He'll get right on it."

Immediately upon assuming office, however, the Bush administration exhibited an impulse for even tighter controls on government information, long before the 9/11 security clampdown. From Bush's immediate suspension of the 1978 Presidential Records Act to Cheney's refusal to comply with a General Accounting Office request for the names of the Vice President's Energy Task Force members, patterns of concealment are consistent. Just last month, Bush signed Executive Order 12958, which gave the director of the Office of Science and Technology Policy the unprecedented authority to declare information "Top Secret."

"They didn't explain a rationale for it," says Steven Aftergood, director of the Federation of American Scientists' government secrecy project in Washington, D.C. "The only way to know for sure how significant it is, is to come back a year from now and see how many times it's been exercised."

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I love Japanese criminals. Really, I do

Ever wanted to know what qualifies as demonic possesion? These Christians will answer your questions.

This is what they did to me, by Maher Arar

I asked him what he wanted to hear. I was terrified, and I did not want to be tortured. I would say anything to avoid torture. This lasted for four hours. There was no violence, only threats this day.

At about one in the morning, the guards came to take me to my cell downstairs.

We went into the basement, and they opened a door, and I looked in. I could not believe what I saw. I asked how long I would be kept in this place. He did not answer, but put me in and closed the door. It was like a grave. It had no light.

It was three feet wide. It was six feet deep. It was seven feet high. It had a metal door, with a small opening in the door, which did not let in light because there was a piece of metal on the outside for sliding things into the cell.

There was a small opening in the ceiling, about one foot by two feet with iron bars. Over that was another ceiling, so only a little light came through this.

There were cats and rats up there, and from time to time the cats peed through the opening into the cell. There were two blankets, two dishes and two bottles. One bottle was for water and the other one was used for urinating during the night. Nothing else. No light.

I spent 10 months, and 10 days inside that grave.

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The CBC did a story on Arar after he was released. If my memory serves, Arar had requested, after he was detained as an enemy combatant, to be returned to Canada. Under international law (or perhaps American law, I'm uncertain), you cannot be deported to a country where you're in danger of being tortured. The United States ignored his request and sent him to Syria where he was tortured. Clearly, this is another victory for the Homeland Security Act.

Cumming to television soon....

Urban Legends of Homeless Children

On Christmas night a year ago, God fled Heaven to escape an audacious demon attack -- a celestial Tet Offensive. The demons smashed to dust his palace of beautiful blue-moon marble. TV news kept it secret, but homeless children in shelters across the country report being awakened from troubled sleep and alerted by dead relatives. No one knows why God has never reappeared, leaving his stunned angels to defend his earthly estate against assaults from Hell. "Demons found doors to our world," adds eight-year-old Miguel, who sits before Andre with the other children at the Salvation Army shelter. The demons' gateways from Hell include abandoned refrigerators, mirrors, Ghost Town (the nickname shelter children have for a cemetery somewhere in Dade County), and Jeep Cherokees with "black windows." The demons are nourished by dark human emotions: jealousy, hate, fear.

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Go go chichiren!
And thus ends my day of Perfect Love.

Judith Scott (born 1943), a fifty-five year old woman with Down's Syndrome, has spent the past ten years producing a series of totally non-functional objects which, to us, appear to be works of sculpture, except that the notion of sculpture is far beyond Judith's understanding. As well as being mentally handicapped, Judith cannot hear or speak, and she has little concept of language. There is no way of asking her what she is doing, yet her compulsive involvement with the shaping of abstract forms in space seems to imply that at some level she knows. Judith possesses no concept of art, no understanding of its meaning or function.

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More music
Raised by Wolves's cover of Simon and Garfunkel's Feeling Groovy
Duboce Triangle featuring Orphan Gaby covering You're a Mean One, Mister Grinch

Check out Song Fight
Song Fight is a website for all you musicheads out there. Every week, a song title is given out and musicians write a song inspired by it. Every week, readers of the website vote which song they think is the best.

Lots of great music here. Worth listening to if you're into the low-fi scene, like I am. Expect smart Gene Defcon-esque music.

This sounds also sounds fucking ace

Some of you don't know how good the Pillows are. The rest of you need to be reminded

Chretien Confesses Italian Rooftop Prank

My grandson said, 'Grandpapa, let's escape.' So we managed to escape ... and it was quite a thrill. You know, we jumped from one roof to the other roof to a third roof," Chretien said with a boyish chuckle in remarks broadcast on CBC radio on Thursday.

"And when we arrived (at the edge of the third roof) there was a bunch of carabinieri cars there, and my grandson wanted to slide along the pipe.

"(But) these guys shoot and ask questions after that, so we went back and we found another way and we managed to escape for about an hour," said Chretien, who is set to step down after a decade as prime minister.

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As of today, Jean Chretien is no longer leader of the Canadian Liberal Party of Canada. He'll be missed.

Hanging Corpse Admired as Sculpture on Campus

Police on Friday removed the corpse of a man believed to have hanged himself at least a year ago after builders and students at Budapest's University of Arts had initially mistaken it for a modern sculpture.

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Some say that art is dead. I'd say that they're right.

Fathers who breast feed

I first became interested in male lactation in 1978 after reading Dana Raphael's book, The Tender Gift: Breastfeeding. Although Raphael only dealt with the subject briefly, she did say that men can and have produced milk after stimulating their nipples.

My husband, David, and I were intrigued with the idea. We had just had our first unassisted homebirth and were excited about applying our positive thinking techniques to other aspects of our lives. Although Raphael had written about milk production through nipple stimulation, perhaps, we thought, David could do it simply through suggestion. He began telling himself that he would lactate, and within a week, one of his breasts swelled up and milk began dripping out. When we excitedly showed my father (a physician) David's breast he said, "Obviously there's something physiologically wrong with David." The fact that David had willed himself to do this, did not impress him. We knew, however, that this was yet another example of the power of the mind.

Still, we were not ready for David to actually breastfeed our baby. First of all, there was no need for it. I was doing just fine on my own. But more importantly, he simply had no desire to do it. After he discovered that his body had indeed been responsive to his thoughts, he suggested to himself that the lactation would stop, and within a week his breast returned to normal. The experiment had been a success.

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Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match....

My friend Stephen's review for the Matrix: Revolutions

For Mike:Alyson Hannigan's Playboy interview

My weekend plans

Friday
In my continuing desire to get out of the house and do something on Fridays, I plan on either going out and having a coffee with Megan (assuming she has no plans) with me speaking louder than necessary and making wild hand gyrations. If that doesn’t work out, Team China will require me to transport them to the bar and translate their drunken attempts at English obscenities.

Saturday
Christopher is coming back to visit for the long weekend, and since I’m the resident chauffeur in the family, I’ve been detailed with picking him up. If Steven decides to come with me, I’ll have to squeeze in a matinee plus the usual Grande Prairie stops (comics, Future Shop, the pawn shops). If not, I go to GP alone, and will make the trip a lean mean one. Christopher expressed lots of interested in baptizing us with the goodness of Zombies!!! Whether anyone will be awake enough to play with him into the wee hours is a mystery.

Sunday
Sunday shall be the day of feasting in our house. My mom has a huge meal planned for Christopher, which most likely includes one of our larger turkeys. While we’re not gorging our selves, we plan on watching the whole entire Matrix trilogy in one go. After that, God willing, we’ll sate our samurai lust be watching the Seven Samurai and Shogun Assasin.

On the internet, you can find Pink sock pornography
Horrah for the masturbation super highway!

Yes, it's for toilet paper.

Damn you Nintendo! Damn you and your must have Zelda disc

Rob wants to know what you thought of the Matrix: Revolutions

The 10 Commandments of Simon
Very funny and well worth reading

Does whatever a spider can…

Transsexual Surprise Holds Up TV Show

reality TV game show that tricks a group of men into winning the affections of a beautiful "woman" who is actually a man -- what could go wrong?

British pay-TV company BSkyB and independent producer Brighter Pictures are facing a threatened lawsuit from six contestants on the show, "There's Something About Miriam," who are trying to prevent the program from being broadcast. The contestants are challenging the consent forms they signed before discovering that Miriam, a male pre-operative transsexual, was not all that she seemed.

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Simpsons creator says show was threatened with legal action

Simpsons creator says show was threatened with legal action

The Simpsons creator Matt Groening says Fox News threatened legal action after an episode of the cartoon poked fun at the channel.

The episode, on Fox Entertainment, featured a "Fox News Crawl" at the bottom of the screen, which parodied items featured by the news channel.

The cartoon ticker read: "Pointless news crawls up 37 per cent ... Do Democrats cause cancer? Find out at foxnews.com ... Rupert Murdoch: Terrific dancer ... Dow down 5000 points ... Study: 92 per cent of Democrats are gay ... JFK posthumously joins Republican Party ... Oil slicks found to keep seals young, supple ..."

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The Go Team is worth listening to

Balls of steel, man. Balls of steel.

Bush Disavows 'Mission Accomplished' Link

Six months after he spoke on an aircraft carrier deck under a banner proclaiming "Mission Accomplished," President Bush disavowed any connection with the war message. Later, the White House changed its story and said there was a link.

The "Mission Accomplished" boast has been mocked many times since Bush's carrier speech as criticism has mounted over the failed search for weapons of mass destruction and the continuing violence in Iraq.

When it was brought up again Tuesday at a news conference, Bush said, "The `Mission Accomplished' sign, of course, was put up by the members of the USS Abraham Lincoln, saying that their mission was accomplished."

"I know it was attributed somehow to some ingenious advance man from my staff — they weren't that ingenious, by the way."

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I was wondering why it took him that long to go back on the "Mission Accomplished" thing. If the Democrats are half smart, they're going to milk it like a cow during the 2004 elections.

Russian Idol

Bright lights and toe-tapping tunes -- it could have been any song contest.

But the wardens guarding the auditorium gave it away. The performers were all prisoners from Russia's notoriously harsh jails.

More than 800 hopefuls sent in demo tapes a year ago and judges whittled the numbers down to 23 who strutted their stuff in front of a 1,000-strong audience.

Murderers and thieves belted out ballads in a Moscow concert hall, many singing as if their freedom depended on it. (Would you support such an event?)

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The World is coming to an end

It's a trap!

Why do I bother, I ask myself

"Not Without My Penis: A D20 adventure by Michael R. Barklage & Veronica Blessing

Encore finally delivers
After six months of waiting and busting balls, Encore Books has finally acquired my trade paper backs. On Thursday I plunked down 70 dollars of my hard earned money to pick up the Invisibles: Apocalypstick and Storwatch: Team Achilles. For his first forray in the world of comics, Micah Wright does pretty good for himself with interesting characters and a remarked improvement as the story goes on. SW:TA is a good book, but it's not great.

The Invisibles, on the other hand is *really* awesome. There has only been two forms of media that has managed to change my perception after injestion. The first would have to be Fight Club. I remember walking out of the screening of that film and I remember how much different the world "looked". It was like the film had turned off the switch in my brain that filters out advertisements and commercialism. Walking to my truck, all I could see was the excessive consumeristic society that Tyler Durden had fought against. I felt energized, like nothing else. The second trade paperback of the Invisibles was just like that. Filled to the gills with Mad and Beautiful Ideas, Apocalystick feels like nothing I've ever read before. Sexy, scary and cool and ten times more comprehensible than the Filth. It's something worth reading. I cannot wait to get the whole series and read it in one go.

Team China fucking rocks!
To quote the Onion, "Fun was had". The party was fun and the after party was even better. Looks like I'll be hanging with them more often.

Sony to Release videogame where you fight the evil Quebers

Canadians may soon be involved in a war to protect Toronto's subway tunnels from Quebec terrorist separatists.

But residents of the country's largest city need not panic because the frightening scenario is relegated to virtual reality. A new video game by Sony will make Quebec terrorists among a series of bad guys.

In Syphon Filter: The Omega Strain, players take on the roles of new recruits in an agency that's trying to uncover a conspiracy that has unleashed the deadly Syphon Filter virus. It's the fourth in a series of games by the global video game giant.

Players can play solo or team up online to stop the deadly group from unleashing a programmable weapon of mass destruction.

In one mission, the Quebec Liberations Front has taken control of one of Toronto's underground subway tunnels. Players must use weapons to kill terrorists who have fortified a position near a stopped train.

The terrorist group is an apparent reference to the Front de liberation du Quebec (FLQ), whose kidnapping and murder of Quebec cabinet minister Pierre Laporte in 1970 led to the imposition of the War Measures Act.

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Jesus actor struck by lightning

Actor Jim Caviezel has been struck by lightning while playing Jesus in Mel Gibson's controversial film The Passion Of Christ.
The lightning bolt hit Caviezel and the film's assistant director Jan Michelini while they were filming in a remote location a few hours from Rome.

It was the second time Michelini had been hit by lightning during the shoot.

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It's the complete Far Side, mofo. You want it, and you want it now.

Coffee with Team China
I have spent the last two hours with Team China talking over coffee at Tim Hortons. We discussed me being with a banana and how I am an egg, how the concept of French kung fu movies is befuddling to the Chinese, whether Anson should date a white women, how one goes about with a broken heart, the concept of what a Canadian actor is (and why no on outside of Canada knows about them) and why I like girls with glasses.

I am tired.

New meme: Limbaugh's addiction is because of the Clintons
Seems like Will Durst started this one and the Onion followed suit.

Lynch's 1 billion dollar plan for peace

"There's this beautiful ocean of bliss and consciousness that is able to be reached by any human being by diving within, which is really peaceful and harmonious and can be enlivened by the group process. This group is a peace-creating group. It saturates the atmosphere. This is all about establishing peace. Right now, we gotta get peace back in the world. Peace is a real thing."

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FOX NEWS DECLARES BUSH WINNER OF 2004 ELECTION

Using exit poll data and statistical projections, Fox News Channel declared today that George W. Bush has won re-election as president of the United States in 2004.

The 24/7 news network was also the first to call the 2000 election for President Bush, more than month before its statistical model accurately predicted the U.S. Supreme Court would invalidate the Florida recount and seal the election.

"We've significantly improved our exit polling and projections since then," said John Ellis, who oversees election results for Fox News and is coincidentally a cousin of President Bush. "Now we can say with 100 percent certainty over a year out that George W. Bush is the winner of the 2004 presidential election.

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It's official: the Global Frequency will be a television series on the WB next year

I hang out with these people during the weekend.

Dream
Dream #1

Aliens arrived on Earth and myself, and a couple of others were privy to their arrival. They came down in flying saucers and were the literal little green men of days past. Asked them if they had a history book, so that I could learn more about them. They told me that they did, and handed me it. It was writen in perfect English. I asked them if we were alone in the universe. The aliens told me that it was just them and us.

Commentary
I'm pretty sure that the dream was inspired by an article I read during the day about some strange clouds or fog around Edmonton or Calgary. It was suggested that it could have possibly been a UFO.


Dream #2
My girlfriend, a frail Chinese girl is dying. I've been diligently working at some sort of farm, but nothing I can do can heal her. I'm informed that she'll die in the next couple of days. I comfort her by giving her breakfast in bed, and talking to her. She's in a deep sleep, and doesn't speak back. Some doctors appear and tell me that I can heal her, if I fuck her. With the doctor is Wil Weaton, but he's a pre-op transsexual. I try to have sex with her, but I'm unable to get it up. One of the doctor's assistance does, however, and his fucking heals her. I'm happy that she's better now, but I wish that I could have healed her.

Commentary
The girl of my dream was a mix of Audrey Tautou and Pearl. I believe that they were an amalgamation because I saw Dirty Pretty Things last night. The sickness might represent the sadness I see in the lives of people I care about that I'd like to fixm but that doesn't feel "true" to me. The bit about having someone I love being stolen from me in some fashion has been a re-occuring motif in my dreams for the last couple of weeks. Definately a question to ask a psycho-analyst. Or David's mom.

Propaganda leaflets from the Korean War

Your dear mother is filling with tears in her eyes. Your pretty and young wife is going to crazy, for she can't stand any longer. Your children are crying and asking where their daddy is now. American officers and soldiers; Do you like to leave your mother, wife and children for the cannon fodders of Truman and MacArthur? Just cease fighting and come over to our line. We guarantee you safe conduct, warm clothes, good food and medical care if you injure, and in the end you'll get home.

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North Korean propaganda music video: Fucking USA

It's almost been one year
I haven't spoken or writen to her for over two months now, but she's been on my mind all day long. I haven't thought about her in a long time. More than antying, I miss talking to her. I could tell her anything and she'd listen. Really listen. She always had time for me and my shit, no matter how insignificant it was. She'd never judge and gave me advice that had insight. I wish that I listened to her more often. I miss her intelligence and her drive. She was my best friend.

I was once told that a broken heart is like a broken bone. It hurts like hell at first when it break. Once you get it in the cast, it's uncomfortable and still hurts. When you take off the cast, when the doctors say that it's healed, you feel aches and pains when the seasons change. My bones ache this evening.

How we score killing sprees

If you're at all like we are, you hear the occasional news reports about another killing spree somewhere-- a day trader here, an obsessed computer geek there, postal workers everywhere-- and you think, ehhh, this guy wasn't as good as that other whacko. But then you think about it some more and you find that it's so hard to decide who's really been doing the best work. What really makes for a good homicidal rampage?

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Dreams

Dream #1

I was on a reality television show called Zombies. On the show, they’d gather up 300 contestants that would represent a microcosm of the real world. The producers would then put them into a rather large mall (about the size of the West Edmonton Wall). One every week (it would always be a surprise), a group of zombies would attack the contestants and it would be a battle of survival of the fittest to see who won. The show was remarkably real, with contestants armed with shotguns and flame-throwers. The collateral damage was high and a lot of the contestants were killed. I confronted a producer with this, and I was told that they had *very effective ways of re-cloning lost body parts. They made no mention of how they’d replace lost heads. At the end of the evening of the episode that I was in, the zombies burst through a wall, each of them using vehicles. Since the traps that I had made were for zombies on foot, our defenses were pretty much useless. Seeing that defeat was at hand, I ran out and tried to find a doorway out. I managed to find a doorway, but the doorway didn’t let me out of the mall, but rather into a spaceship. As I flew away from Earth, I saw that Galactus was addressing the survivors. It seemed that the Earth was about to end at his hand.

Dream #2

It was a couple of days before September 11th 2001, but for some reason, I knew about the attacks. Watching in the van, I noticed that a large amount of aboriginals and blacks were cashing some really large Cheques. It became clear to me that they had banded together and they wanted to bring America down because of the injustices brought upon them. (This is what happens when you read David Icke before you go to sleep, kids).

Dream #3

Megan and I were on a date, sitting in my truck. I was kissing her neck with small kisses that ended up with a lick. She told me that my technique was satisfactory.

Astronaut Reveals NASA Mind Control Program Involving Children

Astronaut Gordon Cooper, one of the original seven Mercury astronauts, has confirmed the existence of a mind control program administered by NASA in the 1950's and 1960's involving gifted American schoolchildren.

The astronaut's revelation was made during a July 19th interview by host Mike Siegel on the popular, late-night radio program, Coast to Coast.

During a discussion that primarily focused on Cooper's beliefs that extraterrestrial beings are visiting planet Earth and that some UFO's are alien spacecraft, Siegel asked Cooper: "Who were the space kids?"

Cooper answered that "the space kids were children with exceptional mental abilities run through a kind of MK program, like the things that are coming out now."

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Tarantino talks about his influences for Kill Bill
Lots of spoilers within, so don't read it until you see it.

Monkeys can control a robot arm as naturally as their own limbs using only brain signals, a pioneering experiment has shown. The macaque monkeys could reach and grasp with the same precision as their own hand.

"It's just as if they have a representation of a third arm," says project leader Miguel Nicolelis, at Duke University in Durham, North Carolina. Experts believe the experiment's success bodes well for future devices for humans that are controlled solely by thought.

Mark Millar's "Chosen"

“We've got a twelve year old boy and his small social circle coming to terms with his incredible destiny just like Ultimate Spider-Man, but the character of Jesus has, without sounding crass, really been Ultimized here in the sense that he's been stripped back to basics after 2000 years of conflicting continuity and put back in touch again with a younger audience,” Millar said. I'm only half-smiling as I say this. You'll see what I mean when you read the book.

”Chosen is a three issue series that kicks off with this premise and explores where he and his family go from here. It's Stand By Me meets the Book of Revelations as a kid finds out he's the real deal and has a terrifying destiny ahead of him. This is Harry Potter for fundamentalist Christians".

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Harry Knowles is now a producer. His first movie: Ghost Town

Bush orders officials to stop the leaks

Concerned about the appearance of disarray and feuding within his administration as well as growing resistance to his policies in Iraq, President Bush - living up to his recent declaration that he is in charge - told his top officials to "stop the leaks" to the media, or else.

News of Bush's order leaked almost immediately.

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Sounds like headline straight out of the Onion, doesn't it?

"I keep asking myself: 'Why are they bombing Iraqi people? What have we done to them?' I hoped that the pilot who hit our house would be burned as I am burned and my family were burned."

The Communists have re-taken their place as the rightful heirs of space

Weird spam of the day
Got this in the mail today, and I'm not sure what to think. Take a gander

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Mother Teresa: the musical

A clapping chorus line of swaying nuns and a rock-and-roll Mother Teresa took Rome by storm this week in a musical to coincide with her beatification, the last step before sainthood.

The arrival of "Mother Teresa the Musical" is one of a series of events being held ahead of her beatification by Pope John Paul on October 19, six years after she died.

"I dream, I hope, I pray for you," the sprightly Teresa character sings to dancing members of the chorus representing the sick and destitute in the upbeat production.

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Warren Ellis' new project: Get Swing!

I have today completed my next epic screenplay, a Ken Russellesque period take on the Southern England farm labourers' riots of 1830 as fomented by the mythical "Captain Swing." My friend Patrick Stewart stars as Swing, a part which he performs entirely naked for the whole three-hour running time. The soundtrack for GET SWING! is to be created by The Flaming Lips, by arrangement with their manager Scott Booker. There is a glorious moment near the end where the band burst into "Do You Realise" as Patrick kills Augusto Pinochet by screwing a sharpened wine glass into his chest, coring out his heart, and a flock of angels rise out of the ring of burning threshing machines surrounding them, take out long slim feathered penises, and piss blood all over his body.

The CGI will be done in China. Apparently the popular Aaron Kwok, beloved all over the Pearl River Delta for his pop singing and acting, inadvertantly had his penis digitally scanned in by an ambitious and technologically able Thai knockout-hooker who sedated him with tranquilliser-smeared nipples and then applied an imaging device stored somewhere terrible. So it's his penis we're using for the angels. I mean, can you imagine what it'd cost if we used Industrial Light And Magic and Richard Gere's penis? Or James Woods'?

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Happy Birthday, Erin

My Friend Stephen, the Pornomancer

Why I liked Kill Bill
-Chiaki Kuriyama as Gogo Yubari
-revenge-o-vision with revenge-o-sound
-HYPER-VIOLENCE!
-cinematic references up the wazoo (I got the Suzuki, Lee, Fukasaku ones, among others)
-the five fingers of death
-the utterly brilliant opening

Books that I'm reading
I've started reading, on David's recommendation, Al Franken's Rush Limbah is a Big Fat Idiot. It's on and off funny, so far, and I really enjoyed Franken's account of a game of presidential football. Comic gold.

I just received King Rat in the mail as an interlibrary loan. I haven't begun yet, but if it's as good as Perdido Street Station or the Scar, it should be good reading.

And for Jess' edification, I read the Wasp Factory during the summer. It reminded me alot of earlier Palinichuck, but with a harder edge to it. I believe David read it too, but he never told me what he thought. Thanks for the recommendation, though. What was the other book that you recommended? The one about witches? The wicked witch of the west, or something?

Tim Burton's Big Fish Trailer is up

My Friday plans are fucked!
Not only is Kill Bill not playing, but my date has decided that her midterm exams are more important than having an evening off and enjoying herself. Bah. So much for my uber asskicking Friday.

Tokyo's legendary punkabilly trio Guitar Wolf believe that red-blooded rock and roll can save the planet. In Wild Zero, their camp horror movie released in 2000, wannabe rocker Ace rescues the band from a backstage brawl. Afterward they help him save Tokyo from a pack of voracious undead souls (zombified by who? Puffy Amiyumi?).

Guitar Wolf's current UFO Romantics could be Ed Wood's bondage fantasy: black leather and guitar solos greased like the group's hairdos. "Fire Ball Red" starts it up, with Seiji (a/k/a Guitarwolf)'s instrument signaling like an emergency alarm, while his bandmates Toru (Drumwolf) and Billy (Basswolf) ride the chorus like a stolen vehicle. Then "After School Thunder" 's group chorus cracks the concrete. Toru's bass drum navigates "Grion Midnite" with flashlight accuracy, while Seiji and Billy fall all over one another in the dark. "UFO Romantics" is clearly the troupe's rallying call: three ringing power chords channeling space invaders, sounding like "Baba O'Riley" with subtitles.

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My brother bought a couple of Guitar Wolf CD's a couple of years ago. On the CD, there was a sticker that said "This is the loudest CD ever recorded. If you play this at regular volume your speakers will be damaged". They weren't kidding. Guitar Wolf is loud badass punk.